How is it that inspiration comes flying at me just as I have 100 things to do around the house? It’s Sunday at 2:30PM after Spring Break week. Unpacking, laundry and dog hair littering the floor giving me the side eye. I picked up the gray handle of our Pack and Play (most toddler parents know what I’m talking about here- its a portable pop-up crib for travel and convenience) to store in my daughters closet. Then I stopped. I had to ponder what the next right move is here. I just had lugged this thing on a 3 day long weekend for my 2 year old son to sleep in. Yet, we didn’t even use it. I mean, I tried. Isn’t all parenthood trying different things and just praying something will be the right fit for your child? Honestly, I wasn’t sure where my son, Chief (2 aka 26 months) should sleep at the hotel. At home he’s been independent in his own twin bed and room for months. Yet, on a family vacation I just wasn’t sure he’d really stay in a huge bed in another room with his big sister without waking up all night or falling out. Ain’t nobody got time for a broken toddler femur. I started out the night trying to put his meaty body in the PnP and he did fall asleep… for approximately 2 hours. Once awake and hollering for me, I gave in to his little 2 year old requests for “the big bed”. Quick kiss and a Hail Mary for an actual night of sleep, off I went to my room. Pro-tip, splurge for the 2 bedroom suites if you can. I’m a parent who likes the nights for adult time. Even if I just ended watching “Cheaper by the Dozen” sipping on my beer from my “6 bottle bucket” while my husband snored next to me.
Now back to my hallway holding the Pack and Play. I’m stopped and wondering… “why would I keep this? Maybe I’ll need it somewhere else? Just keep it for one more year?” Hmm. For once I didn’t keep it in hopes of another child. Nah, I’ll just get another one then, guys. *Wink-smiles* However, I ended up deciding to keep it anyway. Whats the harm I suppose. I have the room. Then it really hits me. I actually have 2 children who can sleep in a king sized bed, in their own room on vacation. How are my kids this old?! Time is such a thief. My son has literally only been sleeping through the night for 2 months. Now he’s Mr King Sized 2 Bedroom Suite? Excuse me?! Pass the tissues. Why is parenthood such a vortex of bittersweet conundrums? On one hand its so nice to just plop your kids in a bed and travel much lighter, yet on the other I just see this as one step closer to my kids moving out completely. Probably halfway across the world too. (Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m a little dramatic).
Parenthood is just utterly exhausting. Yet, I’m 100% convinced I’m going to hit a huge depression once I’m an empty nester. What will I even do all day? Stare at baby photos of my children? Beg them to give me grandkids? Sounds about right. Not even sure where this was all headed except the ever present paradox of time and meaning of life constantly slapping me in the face. In my hallway. On a Sunday afternoon. Holding a Pack and Play that I clearly have no need for.
Love Hard,
Hilary
Soul Salvaged 